Insurance: who face the same challenges as you do every day, and like you need the peace of mind in knowing that if the worst happens, everything will be taken care of

The Art & Psychology of an Insurance Prospecting Email


Today I was asked to rewrite an insurance company sales email aimed at reactivating old/cold leads.

The company sent over their current version and I re-wrote the messaging for them. Both versions are below.

First the original, then my re-write. Finally, an explanation of the neuro marketing and triggers used in the piece.

If you like the style of writing, I can take a full day on your marketing messages (more if you need it) and rewrite the way your company connects with enquiries and customers.

[THIS IS THE ORIGINAL LETTER I WAS ASKED TO REWRITE]

Dear NAME

Apologies for contacting you out of the blue and I hope I’m not disturbing your day too much?

I have your company details on our system as it looks as though we may have offered you a quotation in the past – I have a contact name of XX XX?

I just wondered if you would be interested in having a quick chat about your current insurance processes to see if there is anything we can improve on for you whether it be service, price or policy cover?

If you could possibly let me know if this is of interest it would be much appreciated.

Kindest Regards,
[END OF ORIGINAL]

ORIGINAL WITH MY NOTES POINTING OUT BOTTLENECKS AND WEAK SPOTS

Dear NAME,

Apologies for contacting you out of the blue and I hope I’m not disturbing your day too much?

Starting with an’ apology’ ( a negative) weakens the critical immediate impact.
‘out of the blue’ flags that the email was not requested
‘disturbing your day’ is the third ‘negative’. You will lose most readers by this point

I have your company details on our system as it looks as though we may have offered you a quotation in the past – I have a contact name of XX XX?

You should be using the actual company name if possible to personalise the email
‘as though we may have’ you should be more definite.
‘contact name part is good but should be used earlier in the email

I just wondered if you would be interested in having a quick chat about your current insurance processes to see if there is anything we can improve on for you whether it be service, price or policy cover?

‘I just wondered’ is too indirect. strengthen this part.
Rewrite the rest of the line

If you could possibly let me know if this is of interest it would be much appreciated.

‘if you could possibly’ – You need to be stronger and more focused approached, this is the call to action part and the current email has no call to action, but a suggestion of it.

Dear Mr Smith (identify the person you are connecting with)

It’s Chris from Nash Warren in Nerja (identify that company is local and personalise by giving a contact name)

Hows things in the expat bar business? (identify business niche to increase credibility and add personality)

I sent a quote for Company name across to (Identify this is about their business / Use company name)
Contact Name a while back. (Double identifier, the reader knows this is for them and not a cold sales email)

Expat businesses like CONAME usually come (Establish credibility)
to us when their current providers premiums
have increased to the point where
it’s time to look at an alternative. (use subtle italics as this helps form positive a statement in the readers mind)

And of course, because English is our first language, (important to older expats, gives assurance)
that’s so important because as you know, (use ‘because’ wherever you can it adds credibility)
you have to get things right the first time. (here we are getting them to agree to your message)

Of course, our reputation and being here (reinforce credibility)
on the coast since 2005 is important too. (reinforce credibility)
When you need us, we’re here for you. (adds assurance)

So, are you certain that you are getting the
best cover at the fairest price right now? (this is a question they can’t know the answer too, it instills doubt and leads to action)

We have a number of bespoke options for businesses,
In fact, we insure 83 local/ businesses (reinforce credibility be as precise with the number as possible)
(as well as 5397 local households for car, home, funerals pets) (reinforce credibility use best/biggest number)
who face the same challenges as you do every day and like you (add empathy)
need the peace of mind in knowing that if the worst happens, (reinforce empathy)
everything will be taken care of. (reinforce empathy)

This week, I’m preparing quotes and I’d be happy (opens up offer/call to action)
at no charge or commitment to tell you exactly what we can do for you. (assurance)

Of course….

Insurance is one of those ‘necessary’ things we get around towhen we absolutely must. So, to make getting your new quote as simple as possible, hit reply to this email and I’ll get back to you later todayand tell you if (and exactly how much) we will save you on your insurance.

Remember, [NAME HERE} No cost, no commitment. (personalise, assurance )

CLICK HERE NOW WHILE THIS IS ON YOUR MIND (Call to Action LINK)

You never know how much you’ll save until you ask.

All the best

Chris
[END]

 

Show me the rewrite

Here is my version of the sales letter

Hi David

It’s Chris from NAME Insurance in Torremolinos.

How are things in the expat bar business?

You may remember, I sent a quote for Public Liability Insurance over to Peter Brooks recently. So this is just an update to see how things are going and to remind you that we have a long history of saving money on insurance for expat businesses like yours.

Expat businesses like Toreador Car Hire usually come to us when the cost of their current providers have increased to the point where it’s time to look at an alternative.

We can often reduce cover, because being a UK based insurer, with access to the highest quality insurance products in the UK, we often have answers that are simply not available to locally registered businesses.

Also, like you, english is our first language. That’s so important because as you know, in matters of insurance and cover, you absolutely have to get things right the first time. With us, there are no language barriers, we speak your language.

Of course, our reputation and being here on the coast since 2005 is important too. When you need us, like thousands of other expats who have retired to the sun, we’re here for you when you need us.

So, are you absolutely certain that you are getting the best cover at the fairest price right now?

To be sure, to know you are getting the best deal, We have a number of bespoke options for businesses in the Torremolinos area.,

In fact, we insure 83 local businesses (as well as 5397 local households for car, home, funeral pets) who face the same challenges as you do every day, and like you need the peace of mind in knowing that if the worst happens, everything will be taken care of.

This week, I’m preparing quotes and I’d be happy (at no charge and no commitment of course) to tell you exactly what we can do for you and if we can save you money this year on your insurance.

Yes, I know….

Insurance is one of those ‘necessary’ things we get around to
when we absolutely must. But at Bluenote Insurance, we make it quick and easy to help you save money. So, to make getting your new quote as simple as possible, hit reply to this email and I’ll get back to you later today and tell you if (and exactly how much) we could save you on your insurance.

Remember, [NAME HERE} No cost, no commitment.

CLICK HERE NOW WHILE THIS IS ON YOUR MIND (Call to Action LINK)

You never know how much you’ll save until you ask.

All the best

Chris
[END]

PS: I’m on [telephone number] right now if you’d prefer to chat.

[END]